Haag-Rant

Answer

2011-06-30T14:23:00.000-07:00

Thoughts pause but briefly.
To ponder if Universe cares!
And if it’s so, just how indeed
Does it answer prayers?
Echoes whisper softly--
Ringing clear and true
The simple answer is just this--
It answered them with “You”…

Todays song

2011-05-24T11:20:00.000-07:00

Blurry

2011-05-24T11:16:00.000-07:00

Sudden sadness assassinates,
Symmetrically searing the soul
Silently he staggers--slinking to the floor
Wet cheeks, eyes closed and sobbing
He vows to try--no more…

Being Selfish

2010-11-16T13:23:00.000-08:00

Majestic beauty circles the radiant luminescence of sprit
Gracefully traveling destiny

I’m caught, and so much like the moon
I orbit half basking in the glorious warmth

Half trapped in darkness so deep it cracks the soul
I cannot; will not orbit you

Be it my blackest wish to do so
Losing myself to the bliss of light; the blasphemy of darkness

I cannot; will not orbit you
Freedom then a selfish act

As icy trails mark a hearts true course
Plummeting to self; seeking the heaven of truth

I want you, need you—still
I cannot; will not orbit you…

The Cycle of Psychotic Butterflies…

2010-11-06T17:19:00.000-07:00

When the darkness calls it starts as a tiny thought…”Why?…” the question vibrates as a slow sinking feeling creeps over me then a gentle cramp forms just below the heart…the cramps turn to knots, a thousand psychotic butterflies looking for a way out, the muscles in the shoulders, neck and abdomen tighten. The sinking sensation re-forms into an ever increasing weight pushing down and no matter how strong the attempt to remain standing, it’s pointless. Crushed, the happy thoughts are encased in an ebony blanket as wave after wave of overwhelming sadness slam against me like a battalion of Marines storming a beach. Bursts of intense violence systematically neutralize pleasantness.

The siren song of sleep begins to echo in hollow inner halls. Thoughts of responsibility; commitment and caring become distorted or succumb to procrastination. The body attempts to cleanse itself of the blackness scouring with a torrent of purity and salt laden moisture streaming from the eyes. The spasmodic jerks cause horrifying moans of despair, as the butterflies finally make their escape.

If it works, I’m left in the snow bright winter of nothing…still, silent, lacking even the tiny life sustaining warm of your smile. More often a nap…it will be better after the nap…I’ll shower, do homework, clean house…but first a nap.

Clinging to the pillow as if it could keep me afloat I force images of your smile into my nightmares… Finally, your radiance brings peace…”Where are you?” ”Why?…”

Gizapage...

2009-09-21T10:39:00.000-07:00

I have been trying out Gizapage for a bit now, and I must say it's working rather nicely. I'm not using it to refer people to my pages just yet, but I thing I will start. Right now I'm using it as a one stop shopping site. I you want to know what I'm talking about check my page out at gymhaag.gizapage.com. If you are worried about privacy issues, it has some nice security features.

Enjoy

FAIL

2009-06-01T09:12:00.000-07:00

I love fail blog...almost as much as Can I has cheezburger...

2009-05-30T00:15:00.001-07:00

Trying out ping.fm...one stop shopping

TRIP TO WAL-MART

2009-05-20T11:09:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.

Yes or No

2009-05-19T09:48:00.000-07:00

You can only answer yes or no.

You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages or comments you and asks... and believe me, the temptation to explain some of these will be overwhelming; nothing is exactly as it seems.

Now, here's what you're supposed to do. . . Copy and paste this into your notes, delete my answers, type in your answers and tag as many of your friends as you'd like to.

Kissed any one of your Facebook friends? yes

Been arrested? yes

Kissed someone you didn't like? yes

Slept in until 5 PM? yes

Fallen asleep at work/school? yes

Held a snake? yes

Ran a red light? yes

Been suspended from school? no

Experienced love at first sight? yes

Totaled your car in an accident? yes

Been fired from a job? yes

Fired somebody? no

Sang karaoke? no

Pointed a gun at someone? yes

Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? yes

Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? yes

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? yes

Had a close brush with death (your own)? yes

Played spin-the-bottle? no

Sang in the shower? yes

Smoked a cigar? yes

Sat on a rooftop? yes

Taken pictures of yourself naked? no

Smuggled something into another country? yes

Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? yes

Broken a bone? yes

Skipped school? yes

Eaten a bug? yes

Sleepwalked? yes

Walked a moonlit beach? yes

Rode a motorcycle? yes

Dumped someone? yes

Lied to avoid a ticket? yes

Ridden on a helicopter? yes

Shaved your head? yes

Blacked out from drinking? yes

Played a prank on someone? yes

Hit a home run? yes

Felt like killing someone? yes

Cross-dressed? no

Been falling-down drunk? yes

Eaten snake? no

Marched/Protested? no

Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? yes

Puked on amusement ride? yes

Seriously & intentionally boycotted something? no

Been in a band? no

Knitted? no

Been on TV? no

Shot a gun? yes

Skinny-dipped? no

Gave someone stitches? yes

Eaten a whole habanero pepper? no

Ridden a surfboard? no

Drank straight from a liquor bottle? yes

Had surgery? yes

Streaked? no

Ridden in a hot air balloon? no

Ever blown glass? no

Rode a Horse? yes

Hit someone in the face? yes

Skydived? no

Woke up and had no idea where you were? yes

Hitchhiked? yes

Tattoo? no

Stayed up for 48 hrs straight? yes

Ever go pool hopping? no

Stole a car? no

The saga continues...

2009-05-03T21:52:00.000-07:00

OJ Simpson got a knife,
went to Bundy killed his wife.

When he saw what he could do,
then he kiled Ron Goldman too.

(think Lizzy Bordon)

Hey look...it's a DOLL

2009-04-29T13:09:00.000-07:00

Just one reason to watch Doll House...

Anita is coming to kick Sooky’s ass…fan boy swoons…

2009-04-01T08:32:00.000-07:00

That’s right Ms. Stackhouse your butt move over here comes the real deal. Laurell K. Hamilton’s Anita Blake character is coming to TV. The official press release came out today. Laurell swears it’s not an April Fools joke. I hope so; I’d hate to have to kill her…

For those of you that don't know the storyline. Anita is a licensed Vampire Executioner. The stories have good vampires, very bad vampires, were-everythings (wolves, rats, tigers, lions, leopards..etc), and the seriously deadly Anita Blake. Oh, and for her day job, she's a private necromancer...*squeeeeeee* *faints* ...and there is to much sex for the children *faints again*

Fantasy Magazine » Thoughts On Think

2009-03-20T10:44:00.001-07:00

Fantasy Magazine » Thoughts On Think

Posted using ShareThis

Blue

2008-12-20T11:29:00.000-08:00

Blue

by Jimmy

Blue is the taste of stick of pepper-mint gum,
it is the sight of a magnificent waterfall in the middle of nowhere,
it sounds of running tap water in an almost over flooded sink,
it feels of the combination of embarrassment and relief of falling in a shallow creek on a hot dry hike with your friends.
Blue is the smell of the earth after a long undying storm,
Blue is the combination of ice and boiling water,
it tastes of a Popsicle with fake lemon-like flavoring,
it sounds like a bird's awkward but beautiful song at the crack of dawn.

My son's poem for 5th grade. I wanted to cry blue the first time I read it. Now I share it with you.

The First Lady of Star Trek,' dies in LA

2008-12-18T14:48:00.000-08:00

*sob*

Hates Christmases...

2008-12-18T13:55:00.001-08:00

Barmy asked. I answered. I want to run off of a cliff (a very high one) while my hair is on fire. Can you hear the screams now? That's how I feel every time I hear this thing. I like Run, but HATE this damn reproduced sound thingy.

Dear Santa

2008-12-18T12:41:00.000-08:00

Dear Santa,

I've been a very good boy this year, and all I want for Christmas is this. Thank you for being of service.

Wiccan Full Moon Ritual

2008-12-16T08:48:00.001-08:00

There is a whole channel on YouTube

…covered in scars…

2008-10-29T10:06:00.001-07:00

So, Lisa over on FB got me going, and now I’m on a rant. She asked “doesn’t anyone realize that Obama’s economic redistribution of wealth is socialism?” The answer of course is yes. Every educated person in the US has known that since the “New Deal” that we have been working further and further down a path to socialism.

But there are far too many uneducated people voting, and the academic elite seem to be in favor of this form of Government. I’m not sure why. No one that takes this stance has anything like a rational argument of their views. It’s more of a “Rich” are bad, and the “Poor” must be helped stance.

This is a personal issue for me, not some abstract discussion. I watched “welfare” programs destroy my mother. She basically didn’t work her entire life, and there was no need to. Just put your hand out for the handout, and the democrats will provide. When she discovered she had lung cancer she got to work, and then promptly died.

I’m not saying we should not help others. I’m saying that the government has no place in this matter. But, if you are still out there thinking that this economic plan will strengthen anything you are sadly misguided. Do you really believe that we are all equal? Ok, in the cosmic, end of the day way, we are. But in the “we can all be smart”, educated, and have everything we want…we are not equal. Deal with it!

If you want to know why McCain’s plan will work and Obama’s will not--consider this. If you give a rich man 200,000 dollars he (or she) will invest it, make it grow, put it to work. If you give the same money to a middle class type, they will put it in the bank for the future (that never comes) as inflation eats it anyway. People are rich because they know how to handle money (this is not me by the way), not because they fucked over the poor (although they do this too!). Sure some are born with money, but they are taught how to be “Rich”.

On the positive side, both candidates are heroes. Both are moderate (at least more moderate than ever before). Maybe there is hope after all. Tomorrow maybe I’ll rant about health care for everyone.

It's True...blood.

2008-10-24T11:34:00.001-07:00

Sookie may be a watered down version of Anita Blake, but this show rocks anyway. Yes, I did watch "Dark Shadows" as a child, so what?

Total Drama Island- Episode 1 part 1

2008-10-24T11:27:00.001-07:00

More drama! I was wrong there are only 5 left now. I really enjoy this show still I miss Zim.

Awaken sleeping giant...& Total drama...

2008-10-22T08:21:00.000-07:00

I can't believe that I have finally noticed, but I have. What? You may ask. Well, it's simply this. After leaving Vegas it came here...**squee** God, I'm such a geek. I can't wait to bore the crap out of Jimmy with this next weekend (he hates all Star Trek with the exception of the "I give you 60 seconds" line from THE movie).

On a different note: I take pride in the fact that I don't watch reality TV, and that but for a very few minutes of the Gilligan's Island thing I've actually watch nada. Now I find myself stuck on this cartoon. Couldn't you just die! Canadian's are so funny and at their best when making fun of Americans! Anyway, a new episode is on tomorrow at 9pm, and they are down to 8.

3 penny...

2008-09-13T20:40:00.000-07:00

But it makes money...

2008-09-10T23:15:00.001-07:00

Twilight by Stephenie Meyer

My review

rating: 2 of 5 stars
I really didn't care much for this book. Way too much back story and setup. There was no plot to speak of.

View all my reviews.

From the Con…

2008-08-16T19:14:00.001-07:00

Here is the report from the Con…not to be confused with the Khan! Ok, gymmy and I skipped preview night which was only for those that pre-registered. But, since everyone had to pre-register this year, there was really no point in going. The crowd would be too large to make fighting downtown traffic worth the 2 hour preview.

Thursday we arrived early to pick up our badges. The crowd is normally very light on Thursday, but not this year. In fact I'd estimate that there were as many people there this Thursday as on previous Saturdays. This would put the crowd around 100,000 for the day. It was a zoo! Even though the line was long it took only a short time to get our badges, at least that is something.

In the exhibition hall it was nearly impossible to move it was so crowded. We were not planning on spending money, and had no set agenda so we just drifted with the crowd oooing and ahing at the spectacular sites. Gymmy wanted to take a break, so we went up the game room. This is the only place really left in the con to kick back and relax. We examined the stuff in the giveaway bag, and much to my horror they gave MTG demo decks away.

The boy wanted to learn how to play, so I taught him. I wish I hadn't! For those that don't know this game is addictive and costs mega monies. Now my son has another hobby at least. We played to the rest of the day, and he even played a couple of other gamers that walked too close... They were gracious enough to play him, but they did smash his dreams of turning pro, at least for the moment. He is constantly asking me to take him to the game store, so he can play now. It's hard to say no since I spent most of my teen years at the griffon bookstore in South Bend. Ken and Sarah are too old fashion for a web site, but here is a link to a recent article. Sarah can be seen in the role playing game isle.

Gymmy decided he did not want to go back because it was just too crowded. I went back Saturday to watch a movie preview and to see the cast of Pushing Daisies. If you have not seen this show, and you like strange combinations don't miss it! I wanted to see Kristin Chenoweth and Ellen Greene. Kristin sang for a little girl who begged her (she sang "over the rainbow" on the fly without accompaniment and was incredible). Swoozy Kurtz is on the cast also, that makes at least 4 Tony awards (and about 20 nominations) in the cast. I'm such a Broadway geek. For me seeing Ellen and Kristin together is one of the top three all time Comic-con events.

The other two are:

They had 100 original MC. Escher drawings, carvings, and models. I didn't realize he made models before he penciled some of his crazy pics. The owner of Other World asked me if I wanted to buy it. I started to cry (ok, not really). This wood etching normally hangs at The Hague (not related).

In some crazy mixed up happenstance I was selected to spend an hour and a half with Larry Niven. There were only 10 fans allowed in. The cool thing was that he was asked about the legendary convention where it's rumored that Isaac Asimov, Jerry Pournelle, and Larry where teasing L. Ron Hubbard about his crappy sci-fi writing skills. During that conversation Asimov told him to go start his own religion. Mr. Niven said something too this effect. "For legal reasons all I can say is that I was at that meeting" and then he laughed at his own joke. Of course this is BS, as LRH started scientology in 1953, Larry would've been 15 at the time. It makes for good geek party conversation though.

For my last event of the Con I was to see the movie "Choke" for free. Of course they over booked the theater and I didn't get in. They came out with a box of giveaways (a string of beads), and I left the line. Another studio was doing test screenings for "Death Race" and asked I wanted to go. Why not, it can't be worse than the first one can it? (I was wrong about that).

Now in the theater I'm looking at the giveaway from "Choke" I thought it was a garrote at first. Slowly, as I'm not wise to these things, I realize I'm holding a set of anal beads. I shoved them (don't go there) into my pocket somewhat embarrassed. What the hell is Choke about? Why would a movie studio give sex toys away on the streets of San Diego? San Francisco I understand, but San Diego?

I'm not sure I'm going the con next year…

The board

2008-08-14T12:33:00.000-07:00

Shhh...it's a secret

My boy…

2008-07-22T19:47:00.001-07:00

An insider's guide to my son.

Here is a little bit about my son. First he is playing a lot of Halo 3 on xBox live. He can play with up to 16 players at one time and he has several school buddies that he plays with regularly. He has played all the best video games, and is now bored with the selection he has, but there are no good games left to buy….poor My son.

His next love is Family Guy. He will talk about the series indefinitely. Following "Family Guy" on his list of favorites is "The Simpson's" and "Robot Chicken". Lastly are multiple Nickelodeon cartoons that parallel "Ren and Stimpy" humor. These cartoons are not intended for adults, and are annoying. He is fond of one that has a cult following. "Invader Zim" was created and drawn by Jhonen Vasquez and the animation team follows his artistic style. He will watch this over and over, and never seems to tire of the humor. My son will not remember Jhonen's name, but will recognize his art.

He has a complete love of all things Zombie, and will collect "The Walking Dead" by Robert Kirkman if he can find them (and afford them) at Barnes and Noble. He stood in line to get Kirkman's autograph on his book, and Kirkman drew him a picture (much to the envy of everyone else in line). He drew the picture because my son also had on a Marvel Zombies T-shirt, which Kirkman also wrote (My son didn't know that at the time).

He likes to go camping, but only once a year. He must go to the comic-con (see above). Metallica, ACDC, and GNR are the only bands he recognizes. He hates Cub Scouts (not the actual scouts, just belonging to the scouts). He likes horror movies and constantly pushes me to let him see "R" content movies (to no avail I might add). Getting him to watch a movie at the theater is like pulling teeth these days.

He is like all boys--in that he keeps a running queue of what he wants. He keeps this list to himself until the perfect time; then springs the request on an unsuspecting parent. In the Navy we call this "Fire for effect". Occasionally the little monster will actually save his allowance to purchase these wants, but getting Mom or Dad to buy his "thing" is by far the better option.

Currently in the queue are the video game "The Darkness" for Xbox 360, and the "Blue Harvest" dvd of Family Guy. He swears he is saving for those things, but he just spent 50 dollars on a 1 year subscription to Xbox Live for a friend of his, leaving him broke. This queue is updated daily, so by the time you read this it may have changed.

At his birthday party last year (10, not 11) he had 8 friends come over the play Halo2. During the party all eight of them had cell phones, so we had to get my son one. Now all he needs is a car to be like all the other Californians.

He is a sucker when breakfast for dinner is on the menu, especially at Denny's (sad but true). Also loves pizza, cheeseburgers, and California Burritos. He just finished his last day of elementary school (and his last year around day…thank god), and is on his way to Middle School.

Q: What is your greatest accomplishment?

2008-07-21T23:05:00.001-07:00

In my youth I stood my ground against my father for the first time. He insisted I leave him alone, but I refused. "Hand me the gun Dad" I said. The weight of the revolver was heavy in the hands of a ten-year old boy. Thirty years later my father shot himself.

This had to be 50 words or less. Still no word on whether it will be published.

Places I've been...yep...been there done that.

2008-06-21T00:21:00.000-07:00

San Diego, CA, USA

Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada

Berkeley, CA, USA

Patong, Thailand

Pattaya, Thailand

Create your own travel map or travel blog

Visit TripAdvisor.com

I’m it…I’m it…

2008-06-15T12:20:00.001-07:00

I've been tagged…these things are fun. I decided to tag 5 random bloggers, because I don't know anyone else not listed on Barmy's list. So...if you where tagged have fun…

This is what you do…

1. Post the rules of the game at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post, the player then tags five people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they've been tagged and asking them to read the player's blog.
4. Let the person who tagged you know when you've posted your answer.

What were you doing five years ago?

I was finishing up a 20 year Navy Career, at my last command Fleet Training Center San Diego. I was also working on a Master's Degree in Instructional Technology (I never finished). I was a full time Dad, part time husband (guess that's why I'm divorced now), and a consummate geek.

What are five things on your to-do list for today?
1) Get Jimmy ready to go home
2) Go to the bank.
3) Go to the RSO to sell literature
4) Go to a meeting
5) Watch a Vampire movie

What are five snacks you enjoy?
1) Pizza
2) cheese and crackers
3) Hot Tamales

4) Very hot Cheetos
5) Cal Mex anything after 10pm

What are five things you would do if you were a billionaire?

1) Stop worrying about money
2) throw a ridiculously extravagant party for everyone I know
3) Buy everyone I know a new car (or some other Oprah like gesture)
4) Go somewhere where the weather was cloudy most of the time, and it rained a lot.
5) Whatever I wanted.

What are five of your bad habits?
1) Let my finger nails grow too long.
2) Spend too much money
3) procrastination (I'm actually procrastinating designing a t-shirt about procrastination)
4) Over use ellipses and parenthesis.
5) read crappy novels (only the crappy ones are a bad habit). The latest

What are five places where you have lived?
1) South Bend, Indiana
2) San Diego, California
3) Waukegan, Illinois
4) USS Denver, New Orleans, Reid, Ingraham, and Merrill

5) Sorry only four

What are five jobs you've had? (a short list)
1) dishwasher
2) Shipping and receiving in a foam cutting plant (someone has to cut the stuff)
3) Shipping and receiving in a metal anodizing factory
4) US Navy- Fire Controlman – CIWS – NATO Seasparrow
5) Instructor ITT Tech.

I tag…

I have added these blog to the list of blogs I read. They were picked at random, so who knows if they will ever respond, but I can always hope to add someone new…

Oh what a wonderful day!

2008-06-10T18:35:00.001-07:00

Ok, the topic of the day…I find a job posted for the VA. It's a perfect job, or so it seems, and I'm excited about the prospect. It's an IT job at that VA hospital here in San Diego. I call the point of contact and find out that the job closes today at 4pm. Government jobs are a pain to apply for, so I start early. I download the forms, and find out that you cannot save data on the forms. Ok… I need ink for my printer. I go get it, and return. That's twenty two dollars I don't really have, but I spend it anyway.

I'm making good headway and finish the forms I need, and begin the supplemental stuff. At 2:30 I stop to print everything out.

My printer doesn't work! I try my roommate's printer. It doesn't work. I put my laptop into hibernate mode, and run over to Kinko's, and when I fire up my lappy I get a blue screen. Shit…I've lost everything. I return home a little depressed. I know that not many people applied, and I'm a good candidate. I would at least get to interview for the position. Oh well.

So, then my friend Phil calls and I talk to him about my crappy day. At 4:10 pm a full 10 minutes after the closing deadline, my son comes into the room, and puts some papers on my lap. Still talking to Phil I don't realize they are my application forms. My roommate came home from work early and realized his son had disconnected his printer. He plugged it in. The forms printed out. So now…I have to laugh…what a day. I know what you're thinking. I should've checked to make sure the printer was connected…right? Wrong…it's not the first time I've had problems using my roommate's printer…It's picky and doesn't really like me. I'm normally so good with electronic toys too.

But wait there's more. I get a call from a local training school looking for instructors. I love teaching. I return the call. They want me to drive across town to interview for a substitute position. I check to make sure…yep…they just want me on call. I didn't even ask how much they pay. I know that it will not be worth the gas to interview. Imagine, getting called an hour before class time, driving across town at rush hour to teach a class you have not prepped for. Mmmm fun!

I think I'll go set up a linux box with apache, and wordpress. That will make me feel better.

Feeling sorry…

2008-06-09T23:04:00.001-07:00

Rolled over to touch you, but you were gone.

Like sappy lyrics from a stupid song.

Opting out, you must be strong.

A little break, it won't long.

You'll be back; I've done no wrong.

Why did you leave me?

I thought you would

—but you said no.

You're finding space

--your row to hoe

It's very sad

so I must go.

Leaving now

I miss the show.

A month, no more

Well maybe two

Then we'll meet

But you'll be through

A jester's hat

Now I'm the fool

Somehow I broke

some goddamn rule

I planned it out

For all to see

A happy life

For you and me

But now there'll never--

Be a we

I'm sure of that

Bet all agree

Welcome Home boys…

2008-04-26T21:27:00.001-07:00

Here is a nice video detailing a glorious return of an army unit after doing 15 months in hell. To return…to hell.

This really pisses me off.

Nice quote.

2008-04-26T17:07:00.001-07:00

Ahhh. A man with a sharp wit. Someone ought to take it away from him before he cuts himself.
- Peter da Silva

Testing MS 2007

2008-04-22T15:54:00.001-07:00

So, I guess that MS Word has a blog posting function. I thought I'd give it a try.

Farewell to Paul:

2008-04-09T19:44:00.000-07:00

Smoky grey fur ball

Blazing blue eyes

Heart of a lion

Soul of a sprite

Don’t go, don’t go

Coyotes in the night

You’ll be more dinner

Than warrior fight

Stubborn and wistful

Playful and light

Don’t go, don’t go

Into that good night

So ends Paul one of the cutest, fluffiest, ethereal cats to grace this planet. Wish they all were as dumb as Wile E. Sometimes San Diego really sucks. A wild animal in the burbs snacking on loved ones is just not paradise.

Google is soooo funny.

2008-04-08T18:48:00.001-07:00

Check out the date and enjoy the fun.

Six words

2008-04-08T18:25:00.000-07:00

From T1G and Barmy comes … a six word meme. A little story behind it:

Legend has it that Hemingway was once challenged to write a story in only six words. His response? “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.” Last year, SMITH Magazine re-ignited the recountre by asking our readers for their own six-word memoirs. They sent in short life stories in droves, from the bittersweet (“Cursed with cancer, blessed with friends”) and poignant (“I still make coffee for two”) to the inspirational (“Business school? Bah! Pop music? Hurrah”) and hilarious (“I like big butts, can’t lie”).

The rules:
1) Write your own six word memoir.

2) Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like.

3) Link to the person that tagged you in your post, and to the original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere.

4) Tag at least six more blogs with links.

Ok...on to my story.

Life started slow; I'll die fulfilled.

I don't know another six bloggers...so I'm a tagging dead end.

Happy Birthday Chuck

2008-03-10T22:20:00.000-07:00

Yes, as every good American knows it's Chucks birthday. Go over to Petey's and Barma's to celebrate. If you missed the Dr's Birthday on the 2nd you can go here.

Grim Place

2008-02-26T19:59:00.000-08:00

Thanks to "Proud Marine Mom" I'm adding a link for current troop casualty totals. This is a grim place, but worth a look. Be warned--the numbers change a lot.

R2

2008-02-17T16:53:00.000-08:00

I’ve been asked recently why I’m for the war. It’s not an easy question for sure. I’ve always had a somewhat conservative head and liberal heart. This makes for firm a moderate, which is another way of saying wishy washy. But I’m solidly washy!

For example examine the abortion issue. Personally, I’m pro life, with a mind your own business caveat. Meaning if asked I would have strong feelings in favor of saving the baby. I firmly believe that it will work out no matter what, and we will have one more chance to save humanity. BUT--I have NO opinion on what a person does that has not asked my counsel (unless you’re under age then It’s a parent’s issue). I don’t need to force others to do my will.

Back to the war: I see the war in Iraq as a necessary evil. I’m not in favor of war, even as a retired Navy guy. I don’t want to see anyone hurt or killed. Again BUT—if it needs doing, it needs doing. Here is why I’m for the war. We where attacked. With or without provocation (seems without to me) this is unacceptable. My step-sister works in Manhattan damn it! I know everyone wants to look away, and deny that Iran, Iraq, or Saudi had anything to do with it, but wake the hell up people. Where did those terrorists come from? I know they fell out of the sky, but didn’t they grow up somewhere? Didn’t someone pay for the group that brought down the house?

Why Iraq? Why not Iran? Isn’t Afghanistan enough? No--this war cannot be won in Afghanistan. If we disrupt the poppy crops for any length of time our troops would start to suffer the same fate as every empire in history that has invaded that country. Once the troops are routed out, the warlords will let the Taliban back into the cities, because they don’t care about the cities. Why not Iran? Their lucky day I guess. Wonder if they will continue to act out for a President McCain? I wonder how much longer the Israelis will show restraint.

Again back to Iraq. By moving the fight to Iraq we have given Al Qaeda a place to fight where we can win. Like Dennis Miller says. “MWDs? Who cares Saddam just won the asshole of the week award. He started acting like a baby when we where not in the mood.” At least I was not in the mood. I’ve lost friends to that asshole in the first gulf war, some where British civilians I met in Kuwait. He was a bully! A worthless piece of carbon creating fear and hatred in the world that met his end at the hands of his own people. No one misses him.

Also, there is little doubt in my mind that some of the Al Qaeda fighters would be in America if they where not in Iraq. In short this move (war in Iraq) has given a face to a faceless opponent in a location of our choosing, and taken our civilians out of harm’s way. This is strategically brilliant!

Did Bush lie to us to start the war? Maybe…even probably but I see this as a Machiavellian move of necessity. This country would have balked otherwise, and I think more civilians would have died. Do I like being lied to…No…I’m I naïve enough not to realize someone is getting paid from the oil…No. Does it matter...No.

But we have lost 3000 soldiers so far you say. Yes, we have lost lives in this war, but they are the lives of people that each (as adults) put there right hand in the air and said let’s do this thing. Those in the world trade center didn’t make that commitment. They didn’t volunteer to risk their lives (except the fireman and police).

What about the 150,000 Iraqi people murdered by Bush? Well, as angry and hateful as Sean Penn may be toward the president (aren’t you supposed to love everyone?) I simply don’t believe this number (Mr. Penn does make a good point about refusing Cuba’s help during Katrina) anymore then I believe MWD intelligence wasn’t a lie (there really is a possibility that the MWD programs where exported to Syria). Even if this number is accurate the majority of civilian deaths have occurred from in-fighting. In short they are killing themselves, as they have for centuries. Put that on Bush’s tab if you want, but any way you look at it the war in Iraq spells American security. Believe it or not I don’t care.

All this makes me sad, but I just don’t see another logical way out. We can’t just pull out like we did in Viet Nam (which went well for the people of the south). We have already abandoned this fight once before (see first gulf war Bush fuck up for more details). Where do we go from here? No where! Obama talks a good game, but he will not find a way to pull out anytime soon without creating a horrible civil war (and possible invasion from Iran). I hope I’m wrong, but I don’t think I am. We are in the war for awhile. We need to win. So quit your crying, and stand behind the flag. If we don’t win, life will be interesting for sure. Use your imagination, my head hurts when I think of losing this war.

The anti-war movement is being led by those who have lost loved ones in this war. That’s hard no matter how you frame it. I feel deeply sad for their sacrifice (they didn’t raise their right hand), I’m behind their grief process even if they have to burn flags to feel better they have earned the right. I love them for it.

It’s also being led by those who cannot leave the ‘60s behind, but this is not Viet Nam we are talking about. It didn’t start without cause. We are actually trying to win this war!!! It’s actually encouraging to watch these aging “non-violent” protesters fight the machine! Mostly because it’s funny to watch them try to bring back something they lost (their youth). I am happy to see many young people joining them. Wait—no I don’t see that at all. So likely this type of passive violence against other Americans will soon die out with their generation. “Shhhh…close your eyes…it will all be over soon”.

I’m sick of the boomers. As the saying goes “They could’ve changed the world, but choose cable TV and Wal-Mart instead”. Now they want a second shot? How? By undermining another war just because? No thanks--you blew it--now go retire. We only need to put up with one or two more of their crappy presidential candidates and it will all be over (I hope anyway).

Of course the best part of my stance is that it’s very similar to a paranoid delusion--in that it requires no proof--and is impossible to disprove (go ahead try). The leaps I make you either follow or you believe otherwise. It’s the “Am not” Vs “are too” defense.

One more thing; if spit flies out of your mouth, face contorted with hate, as you snarl “Am Not” or “Are too” take a fucking nap. Yes, Mr. Moore I’m talking to you.

Hi my names Gym, and I'm an Addict!

2008-02-12T03:07:00.000-08:00

*Hi Gym*

I have a problem I have been trying to find a cure for, and I’ve been looking for a very long time. You see; there are movies that I MUST watch if they are on TV.

Not just any movie, and I can’t really find a pattern as to why these movies are mandatory, and other great movies are not. Sometimes buying the DVD of the movie will release me from the curse, but not always (as in the case of Kill Bill, Vol I).

Some of these MUST see movies are “Chick Flicks” others decidedly NOT in that category. Does anyone else have this problem?

Here is a list of the cursed movies in no particular order.

Dracula (any version)
The Cutting Edge
Tomestone
Grease
Kill Bill Vol. I
Platoon
Enter the Dragon
Dune
Bladerunner
The Godfather
The Godfather Pt II
Airplane
Green Fried Tomatoes
Silence of the Lambs
Arsenic and Old Lace
Camelot
Dragon Slayer
Time Bandits
The Meaning of Life
Amazon Women on the Moon

There has to be a cure. Help…

Math...got to love it.

2008-02-12T00:35:00.000-08:00

I hate to just post a link to another blog, but this math thing is too funny/scary to miss. Look at the Feb 11th posting "50 years of Math". Enjoy!

New Book Club...at least for me.

2008-02-09T20:31:00.000-08:00

I read the quotes every day, but never traveled into all the corners. If you are like me, and love Buffy, Earth Sea, Ring World, and Garth Ennis this is a very fun find. Darn it...almost forgot Ender!

I started to post...someone discovered that not all books are good. I have a feeling however, it's the readers, not the books that make the difference between a dumb and smart read. Although I have no scientific data to back up this view.

Wake up and smell...

2008-02-09T20:08:00.000-08:00

Hot and cold drinks 2.99?

So, I’m sitting at Denny’s reading the place mat of all things, and I realize I’ve been asleep for awhile. Coffee and a small orange juice are on SALE for three dollars? I guess I need to look at the menu! Coffee at Denny’s is 1.65!! That’s more expensive then a tall house at Starbucks.

WTF. I know that coffee is bottomless at Denny’s, but how much does one really drink? I had six cups...I wanted my monies worth.

Water please…

F**K Planet Earth

2008-02-08T01:54:00.001-08:00

It started over at Smart Guy...I picked it up at Barmy's, and this was in the comments...love it!!!

Maybe we do need a re-hab set up.

Please feed Max...

2008-02-06T23:25:00.000-08:00

adopt your own virtual pet!

Letters from Thom.

2008-02-05T22:20:00.000-08:00

I got this from Barmy

From: gymhaag@bigfoot.com
To: thommchugh@hotmail.com
Subject: Find chuck...
Date: Mon, 4 Feb 2008 00:47:11 -0800

Go to google.com
Type “find Chuck Norris”
Click “I’m feeling lucky”
Have fun.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Thom Mchugh [mailto:thommchugh@hotmail.com]
Sent: Monday, February 04, 2008 2:40 AM
To: gymhaag@bigfoot.com
Subject: RE: Find chuck...

Didn't see, "I'm feeling lucky" I have in the past though.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: gymhaag@bigfoot.com
To: thommchugh@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Find chuck...
Date: Mon, 4 Feb 2008 07:02:39 -0800

Operator error…have someone who can click a button do it for you.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Thom Mchugh [mailto:thommchugh@hotmail.com]
Sent: Monday, February 04, 2008 4:47 PM
To: gymhaag@bigfoot.com
Subject: RE: Find chuck...

Nice blue text there. You must really know your stuff to pull that off huh?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: gymhaag@bigfoot.com
To: thommchugh@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Find chuck...
Date: Mon, 4 Feb 2008 17:13:19 -0800

mmm…well brainyack it’s the default reply color of outlook. But I do know my shit

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Thom Mchugh [mailto:thommchugh@hotmail.com]
Sent: Tuesday, February 05, 2008 12:55 AM
To: gymhaag@bigfoot.com
Subject: RE: Find chuck...

I was being completely sarcastic there, Einstein.
Interesting, huh? The way the name of one of the greatest minds of all times gets used. Not really as a compliment, but as a cut-down.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: gymhaag@bigfoot.com
To: thommchugh@hotmail.com
Subject: RE: Find chuck...
Date: Tue, 5 Feb 2008 07:34:38 -0800

Yeah…no sarcasm in my email…and he never beat Superman, so he’s a dork. Thus being completely worthy of adjective status describing those that are very clumsy with the sarcastic knife. Because it clearly points to Dorkdom. Oh…you meant Einstein….

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THEN Thom Said...

LOL...that's pretty good.

I have such good friends. He never did find his lucky button...I'm guessing he is at the Firefox home page...should I tell him the difference?

No...really? Me?

2007-05-08T10:18:00.000-07:00

What Be Your Nerd Type? Your Result: Gamer/Computer Nerd You enjoy the visual stimulants of a video game, chatting on AIM, or reading online comics. Most of these types of nerds are considered dirty who lack hygeine, of course they always end up being the ones who make a crapload of money. And don't worry, that's just a stereotype; I'm not calling you dirty. ^_~
Literature Nerd
Science/Math Nerd
Drama Nerd
Anime Nerd
Social Nerd
Musician
Artistic Nerd
What Be Your Nerd Type? Quizzes for MySpace

I'm a Classic....

2007-04-10T09:55:00.001-07:00

What Classic Movie Are You?
personality tests by similarminds.com

Perfect?

2007-03-30T19:26:00.000-07:00

There are several things wrong with the following document. For one...it does not mention that Pizza should be considered a healthy choice meal. Two...there is no mention of the fact that a "Perfect Girl" can bend and break every clause at will providing she supplies the right party favor, and every girl knows what that means.

Be the perfect girlfriend…
By Jon Wilde

Why rely on a legal document to fix the end of a relationship (pre-nup) when I can use one to create the ideal relationship? So here it is; my contract for the perfect girlfriend. Laugh at it if you will, ladies, but you are about to get some startling insights onto the male mind.

I, [print your name here] (heretofore referred to as “The Lady”), being of sound mind, have entered into a relationship with [print guy’s name here] (heretofore referred to as “The Man”). By signing below, I hereby agree to abide by all the rules as set out within this contract in perpetuity.

Clause 1: Dates
A. The Lady will eat more than a side salad.

B. The Man will not be expected to plan every date. He will be chivalrous, but he will not be the cruise director of the relationship.

C. If The Lady would like to attend an event that she knows The Man will despise, she is advised to do so with other people (See Clause 5: Extra-Curricular Activities). However, should she deem a night at the ballet, opera, or foreign movie house to be a necessity within the scope of the relationship, she should make plans (transportation, tickets, etc.) for this evening herself.

1. By accepting this Lady-partisan date, The Man will be guaranteed one (1) date on which both parties participate in an activity of his choice—including, but not limited to: Attending an athletic event, watching a martial-arts movie, or going out for a large BBQ dinner.

Clause 2: Dialogue
A. The Lady will never discuss an ex-boyfriend.

1. Rule 2-a above may be broken if The Lady mentions a deep and abiding flaw in the ex-boyfriend, while also discussing ways in which The Man betters said ex.

B. If The Lady wants something or wants to know something, she will ask. There will be no hints or guessing games.

C. Any cute nicknames that The Lady has devised for The Man will never be spoken in public. See Clause 6, Section a, Subsection 3 for explanation.

1. Furthermore, The Lady may not devise any nickname that includes a diminutive or that is spoken in baby-voice (e.g., “Little John” or “Snuggle Bear”).

Clause 3: The Bedroom
A. During moments of physicality, The Lady will voice her wishes so that The Man knows how best to make her enjoy the experience. This is expected not only for her sake, but for his. The Man is a prideful being. He wants to know he can do everything right.

B. The Man reserves the right to his favorite side of the bed at all times, no exceptions. He may permit The Lady to rest on his chosen side if he wishes, but should he find himself tossing and turning at 3 a.m., it his right to reclaim said side with no ill will from The Lady.

Clause 4: Family
A. The Lady will not ask The Man to meet her family until at least one month of dating has been completed.

B. Upon meeting The Man’s mother, The Lady will try to learn as many of Mother Man’s recipes as possible. And yes, The Man likes his chicken that dry.

Clause 5: Extracurricular Activities
A. The Man will be guaranteed at least one Guys’ Night per week, chosen at his discretion. He will also retain at least two extra “floating” Guys’ Nights per month in case of an important sporting event or should an impromptu post-work visit to the bar arise.

B. The Lady can never be angry with a man for attending Guy’s Night.

C. The Lady will not call The Man more than once per Guys’ Night.

D. The Lady is encouraged to go out with her own friends as a means for keeping her independence and sense of self. However, there are ground rules for these engagements:

1. She will not ask The Man to attend any event on the day of a televised athletic match, any event that involves the phrase “pot luck,” or any event that celebrates the birth of a child, impending or otherwise.

2. She will not expect The Man to attend a gathering solely because the boyfriend/husband of The Lady’s Friend will also be in attendance. Misery does not make good company.

3. No. Ex-Boyfriends. Ever.

Clause 5: Love
A. Should the two parties remain together long enough to reach Relationship Level: Serious, The Man understands that he will, at some point, be called upon to vocally express his appreciation of The Lady in the strongest method possible. When the time comes, the following rules shall govern the use of Those Three Words Which Shall Not Yet Be Spoken.

1. The Lady will be the first party to speak the phrase. She will do so clearly and while making eye contact so that The Man knows it is he who is being spoken to. The Lady will allow the man at least five (5) minutes to respond in kind. This reprieve does not mean he doesn’t feel the same way, only that he is apt to be flustered, frightened, and suddenly stricken with cotton-mouth.

2. After the first time the Man arranges the words “I,” “you,” and “love” into a sentence, he will not be required to do so in response every time The Lady speaks the phrase. The Lady will also accept “Me, too,” “Ditto,” or a high-five in return.

3. The Lady will never speak the three-worded phrase when The Man is in the presence of either friends or coworkers. This is done out of respect for the mockery that is sure to result should he be forced to reciprocate while with said company.

By signing below, you agree to all rules as laid out in this contract, effectively guaranteeing that you will make The Man a truly happy person for the rest of his life, or until you realize that he is a loser who requires his girlfriends to sign legally binding documents.

______________________________
Print your name

______________________________
Signature

______________________________
Date

Jon Wilde is an editor at Maxim magazine. He rarely reads the fine print.

My kitties....will....eat me

2007-02-21T00:56:00.000-08:00

Like Catnip

You will be eaten by 21 Cats!

You are full of delicious cat nibbles! It is likely that your many cats will finish most of you off before anyone notices you're missing. Don't worry though, in your case it's probably an expression of the love your cats have for you.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 83% on Cats

Link: The How Many Cats Will Eat You Test written by ipsafictura on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

The New Year...

2007-01-12T21:09:00.000-08:00

Cat Vomit....

2006-09-08T02:49:00.000-07:00

After all this time, and I only have cat vomit as a topic! Lefty has continued his suicidal behavior by eating unedible objects. Most recently another foam substance requiring that my son and I enduce vomitting by injecting Hydrogen Proixide into his little kitty mouth.

I've also had to keep the terrace door shut, as both Lefty and Righty attempt to perch on the railing. Normally, not a big deal for a cat. Even if the railing is only 1 inch wide. However I've been lucky enough to receive God's dumbist cats, as these two clowns begin to fight three stories up on a 1 inch tightrope. Maybe they hate me, but they seem normal enough when not actively tring to kill themselves.

OBTW the vomit was orange. Thought you would want to know. Wish I had a picture of Lefty with the foam coming out of his mouth.

RGSDm

2006-07-23T21:52:00.000-07:00

The Pool Boy
Random Gentle Sex Dreamer (RGSDm)

Friendly and eager. You are The Pool Boy.

A teen at heart, you anxiously move about your daily tasks, hoping, praying for a good, instant lay. You're carefree, enthusiastic, and rarely discouraged. Love is cool, but it's not for you right now. You know what is? Crotches.

You're a fun person in both big and small groups, and your friends trust and love you. Inside you, meanwhile, your lust is only growing. Imagine your beating heart sprouting pubic hair. Exactly. Try shaving that.

Your exact opposite:
The False Messiah

Deliberate Brutal Love Master

If you're not scoring enough--which you aren't--you should adopt new strategies. Lower your standards. Be aggressive. Pool Boys are often submissive and hope (desperately) sex will find them. Realize that passiveness will not hook the horny girls you desire. A bolder approach and sheer repetition will.

When browsing OkCupid, consider both The Dirty Little Secret and The Playstation.

ALWAYS AVOID: The Battleaxe, The Priss

Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: solister

The results are in...no kidding..

2006-07-16T02:07:00.000-07:00

The results are in...of course all my friends from the Griffon Bookstore knew this a long time ago...like when I was 14...Comic-con starts Wednesday...See all you geeks there....

The Uber Geek
You answered 93% of the questions as a geek truly would.

You just completely conquered the geek test. Not only are you a geek, you're you're proud of it and wear it like a badge. Saying you're socially awkward is an understatement. Your hobbies include most things that normal folks cringe at.

You're obsessed with information and details. You'd skip a Friday night party if it meant getting your latest project finished. Your intelligence probably intimidates people, and you enjoy spitting out random trivia to annoy people.

So what does it all mean? Well for one, your claims of being a geek are true. You were probably picked on - heavily - in high school. You don't care about fashion, so generally you're easy to spot from a distance. In social situations, you're either perfectly silent or ridiculously loud-mouthed (true geeks always fall into the extremes). Cool people probably laugh at you behind your back, but you take gratification in knowing most will grow up to become career alcoholics.

In a nutshell, you answered almost every question as a true member of the geek philosophy. You're geekier than 80% of the population!

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on geekness

Link: The True Geek Test written by ambientred on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

I'm it....tag...

2006-04-28T01:49:00.000-07:00

Apparently I’ve been tagged by Mink:

Once you've been tagged you have to write a Blog with 8 weird things/habits about yourself. Then you need to pick 8 other people to tag and list their names. You need to leave a comment/message saying "You've been tagged" in their comments and tell them to read your Blog.

1) I see the character “Snoopy” as positive proof of God’s love for me, and I have a stuffed Joe Cool that giggles when you push his tummy.

2) I once woke up in a corn field about one ½ mile away from the University of Wisconsin-Parkside during a GenCon. This is the only documented sleep walking event of my life (I think). That does not include drunken blackouts, which are too numerous to mention, and why I haven’t had a drink in over 20 years or attended any SCA events (I’ve blacked out and every one of their events).

3) I’m very proud of how many places I hold on the Geek Hierarchy Chart. I’m coincident with almost every level except Furries, and Erotic Fandom writers. They are just (never thought I’d say this) to weird for my comfort.

4) I received my first email in 1977. My address was gym.

5) I have played in 3 Assassination games (like in the movie Gotcha), and came in second place each time to David Shapiro.

As a side note to number 5 I have not been in contact with Dave for over 23 years, so when I researched a link for him I was quit surprised to find he has become the king of the Furries. See http://www.furcadia.com Oh, well no accounting….

6) I stole a mobile gas station sign for a girl, but it broke, so I just gave her the head.

7) I’ve met Larry Niven, and as you would expect he has Velcro tie tennis shoes, and a backpack with rolled up maps sticking out the top.

8) In 6^th grade all the cool kids were in band, and I played the flute. How cool is that?

Now on to the task of tagging others…I tag Tim, Tina, Mike, Moira, Candy, Bill

An Email from my brother....

2006-04-28T00:44:00.000-07:00

TO MY GOOD EMAIL FRIENDS, THANKS

Dear friends:

My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me forwards over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope. Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can Remove toilet stains. I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put Under God on Their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a Water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from nor send packages by UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone Because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer have any sneakers but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer have to buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now

have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email program.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 good email friends, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM (CDT) this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to Next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.

--------------------------------------

AGAIN THANKS FOR ALL YOUR HELPFUL EMAILS,

Nerf Herder struck down

2006-04-13T01:39:00.000-07:00

Lefty--the slinkier of the Book-end twins--has taken to the dangerous occupation of Nerf™ Herding.

What is Nerf™ Herding you ask? Well apparently in involves the stalking and capture of ANY foam like substance. Once captured a Nerf™ is then swallowed in ridiculous chunks. After the Nerf™ has been consumed Lefty will release the victim (vomit) if he can get a good dose of grass.

Recently an angry Nerf™ stuck back by – and I quote – binding the intestines of the violent herder around his callus pancreas. This forced the rapid dehydration of the offending cat with mandatory voluminous vomiting sessions which in turn prompted emergency surgery of the 2000 dollar nature.

After kitty surgery Lefty was too high on Morphine to comment on his chosen occupation. He he was heard to say "Oww shit my pancreas....OWWWW". Nerf™ articles can rest easy for at least 14 days while the herder, or more aptly named hunter convalesces. Or until Jimmy institutes a bloody purge of foam like material, which many nervous Nerfs believe will start anytime now.

At least they both are staying out of my pants...if not my wallet!

Change....is GOOD

2006-02-03T10:46:00.000-08:00

Too much time to say too much stuff! Well, not really! I haven’t updated this Blog in so long!!!

My life is completely different…NOW. I have moved out the house and officially separated with my wife. I could not take the lack of change any longer. Don't know If I'll ever go back...only time will tell. I live only 3 blocks away from the house, because I left Dianne, not Jimmy.

I get to see him every other day, and have him every weekend!!! Today we get to go camping (it’s a Boy Scout thing), and I can’t wait.

I’ve dropped my Instructional Design program…maybe I’ll return to it later in life, and started an MBA program…which is just as boring.

I get the kittens (not sure I can call them that anymore…damn are they big) every other weekend too!

Changes at work mean I will have to work more next quarter for the same pay (don’t they know that means people will do a poorer job?), so I’ll be busier.

I’ve taken up WOW on the Ursin domain…I’m playing a Night Elf, but I’m a little tired of the Horde constantly over powering us with numbers… Maybe they should make the alliance more fun to play…seems everyone wants to play the hoard.

See only half-way bad...

2005-10-21T15:47:00.000-07:00

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fourth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Very Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Extreme
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	High
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Extreme
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very High

Take the Dante's" Inferno Test

A Fantastic Death Abyss

2005-10-21T15:39:00.000-07:00

A Fantastic Death Abyss

Images

2005-10-21T15:23:00.000-07:00

By: Tyrone Green

Dark and lonely on a summer's night.

Kill my landlord. Kill my landlord.

Watchdog barking. Do he bite?

Kill my landlord. Kill my landlord.

Slip in his window. Break his neck.

Then his house I start to wreak.

Got no reason. What the heck?

Kill my landlord. Kill my landlord.

C-I-L my landlord!

Should I allow other Haag's to Rant here?

2005-10-05T16:31:00.000-07:00

So what do you all think? Should I? Hmmm.... Is there anybody out there?

[[Walk A Mile In My Shoes]]

2005-09-28T09:35:00.000-07:00

Cool site I picked up from Mink. Check it out.

Spamming my blog…how rude!

2005-09-27T08:58:00.000-07:00

It seems people or a person has taken to spamming my blog! Well I never!! Why do they want me to know that there are Russian women on the Internet trying to get to America? I already know this. If I wanted a Russian woman I would get one in Korea!!!

Excuse me, but please stop playing in my pants.

2005-09-12T08:54:00.000-07:00

It seems the kittens have a new game. When I’m in the bathroom with my pants down (sorry for the mental image) the come and jump into my pants. The first time they did this they where small, and they both fit just fine. In fact they jumped in, smuggled together and fell asleep unbeknownst to me. When I finish business I got a fresh kitten surprise when I went to pull up my pants.

Now they are much bigger, and only one can fit in the pants at a time. So they have taken to fighting over which cat gets to be in the pants, and which one gets to attack from the outside. Needless to say this has made my trips to the bathroom unnecessarily complicated.

I can’t just lock the door, because their litter box is in there, and they have learned to just poop anywhere if the door is locked (again sorry for the image). I’m also very reluctant to spray my pants with kitty-no, because…well who knows what the hell is in that stuff. It could burn, or even chase my wife away, and I want her playing in my pants (you know…sorry once more for the image).

Righty…Lefty! Stay out of my pants damn it! Also, would you please stop eating the toilet paper?

Fast and ...on?

2005-07-06T00:39:00.000-07:00

You are dignified, spiritual, and wise.
Always unsatisfied, you constantly try to better yourself.
You are also a seeker of knowledge and often buried in books.

You tend to be philosophical, looking for the big picture in life.
You dream of inner peace for yourself, your friends, and the world.
A good friend, you always give of yourself first.

The World's Shortest Personality Test

circus girl without a safety net: Quote of the Week

2005-06-15T04:00:00.000-07:00

circus girl without a safety net: Quote of the Week

Niffty, neato, keen, cool! Real person...real shit...not your grandma's blog.

gym

Book ends...

2005-06-08T22:26:00.000-07:00

So, we got 2 kittens...9 weeks old. Both female, both black and white, and both with identical markings with one exception, they both have a path of black that extends to their noses, but one is on the left side, and the other is on the right.

So, they're book ends. Cute book ends. Lefty is rambunctious and always looking for fun. Righty is laid way back...I mean she fell asleep in my hands at the pet store. Picture the serenity of that cat. There where at least 70 puppies vying for attention and I have a stoic kitten nestled in my hand fast asleep.

We were only going to get one, but man what a pair, we had to take both of them. God does good work...sometimes I forget. Well now let's see if they can make it pass the so called allergies.

Gym

The spinning chamber of DEATH!

2005-05-27T00:44:00.000-07:00

“Look, I’ve completed my new nest” he said.

Of course, no one heard the slight whispers of the gentle mouse. His new home was freshly lined with grass, and had an ample supply of acorns to last the entire week. How lucky he felt to find the perfectly round chamber last night. What a cool place this would make to start a family!
It only took him three hours to completely renovate the space, and turn it into something more befitting his taste. Now he could finally look for that perfect lady! Things were looking up! HE especially liked the slotted openings symmetrically spaced around the nest. He had never seen a nest hole with built-in ventilation, but he was smart enough to appreciate the cool breeze.

Back at the camp site, my son returns from the fishing pond without his shoes, pole, or jacket. His pants are muddy to the knee, and his socks are little wash rags trying to clean the earth of topsoil.

“My bait got stuck, and when I tried to get it out of the lake I fell in” he explained. It was obvious that he expected to be in trouble for his carelessness.
“Ha, ha, ha” I laughed. “You sure make a pretty picture”

I explained to him that lake slim, and mud come with camping…sometimes.

“Where’s your stuff?” I asked.
“Over on the rocks” he said. “But I need your help to get the pole.”

I’m almost finished loading the car. It has been an eventful trip for the two of us, and I’m ready to go home. It 's nice camping, just father and son. Well, not all fun I guess.

Yesterday, the tragic bike accident happened as my brave warrior decided that it was time to learn to ride a bike. He walked his new beach cruiser up to the very top of a steep hill, just out of my eye sight. Everyone in the campground could hear the screaming as he propelled uncontrollably down the hill. He came to an abrupt stop at the first fire pit. His first full flip…I’m so proud!

We retrieved his equipment and pack the rest of the gear in the car.

“Meet me at the bathroom” I say. “We will get you cleaned up”

He heads back up the hill while I get in the car. I put the keys in the ignition.

“Thunck…whack…smack…smack!” I quickly turn off the AC fan.

“What the hell?” I shout. “Not the AC”

It is a hot day, and I love the AC! Since the car is stuffed I’m suspecting that I have pushed something into the fan when I load the passenger seat. At least that is what I’m hoping. I hate working on my car!

I help Jimmy change clothes and rinse off in shower. Clean off his shoes, jacket and pants, and head for home. The trip home is hot…but we make it.

Waking with a start the little mouse sense movement at the top of the tunnel leading to his new home, and begins to worry. He is only slightly scared because he knows that is to cold for the lizards, or snakes to move around yet. Nothing else can really travel down the long path.

He sets up to strech a little before going back to sleep.

“Bang.”

He starts with the loud noise, and his little ears pop. There was a quick change in pressure. Girl mouse or no he decides it is time to abandon is new perfect home. He will have to replace the food but…

The entire nest starts to spin, and the gentle guy is tossed in the air...back and forth. Terror seizes his heart. He would run, but his legs are off the ground. The slot vents he once felt so lucky to have are cutting into is skin like knives. Finally, his body is thrown up, and out of the nesting chamber.

“It was the perfect nest” he thinks.

His neck is broken, and he can taste the blood in his mouth from the internal injuries. In and out…in…and….out......in……and……out………..in…………..oohout.

His breathing stops.

Monday morning I rush to get ready for work. Tying the pink tie while I heat an energy bar in the microwave…I grab the bar…head for the door and say:

“Bye family, have a good day!”
“Bye Daddy” Says Jimmy.
“Bye Jim, drive safe” Dianne says.
“See ya about five”

That is the family morning ritual as we part company. Every morning it is the same thing. Sometimes with kisses and hugs and sometimes with coffee and haste we leave. Most days Dianne leaves first, then Jimmy followed by me, but today I leave first. I have a 7 o’clock class. I jump into the car put the keys in and…

“Oh MAN…what is that smell?”

Yes all a mouse has died in my fan, and now my car stinks.

Gym

The Hot Librarian...

2005-05-23T10:57:00.000-07:00

This is a fun site...check it out! Maybe a little too sweet, but she has Oompa Loompas to counter act the sugar.

Childhood lost....

2005-05-19T02:45:00.000-07:00

Wow...now that the six chapters of the Starwars Saga are over I'm wondering what will I look forward to now? Not to be mellow dramatic, but I have spent most of my life waiting for the next movie. The last movie comes out the same year I take my son to the 100 Center back in Mishawaka. This is where I saw Star Wars over and over again. I managed to see all of the chapters on opening day, excluding the first one.

I'm have a deep longing for the last three chapters. Mr. Lucas says he will not continue the movies now, he is too old. Rotten bastard.

It's funny how such a poorly written script, and shallow story can create such wonder in me. Touching a spot from childhood, that may not be touched again. Too many Blogs will have Stars Themes today. Me I'm sad for the loss.

Dead Case

2005-05-18T20:17:00.000-07:00

Try this game while waiting to see Revenge of the Sith...

Scanner Blues...

2005-05-17T11:16:00.000-07:00

No...not the movies. This is the only poem I have published (to date).

Fifteen times and it still wont scan.
Lazers blind to the tuna can.
Sixteen times and still no price.
it took 23 times for the bag of rice.

Scanner blues they are far from fun.
I feel like that damn lazers won.

The beginning of games...ADVENT

2005-05-15T19:52:00.000-07:00

So, when I was 13 I met this guy the moved to South Bend from Bloomington. We lived in the same apartment building. He had a remarkable knowledge of computer science, and a habit of hanging out at the Indiana University computer center.

We became friends of a sort, and I began my education with computers. I thought computer games where great. This is the first computer I played, and as luck would have it is the first adventure game written for computers.

I got to play the original,and my score was 349 out of 350. That was after we cheated in the twisty maze. Have fun, this is the grand daddy of them all.

gym

Like Lovecraft?

2005-05-12T01:46:00.000-07:00

Try this..Blast from the past...

2005-05-12T01:14:00.000-07:00

Don't Panic!

Now If I could just find Advent!

thismink(DOT)com

2005-05-12T00:01:00.000-07:00

thismink(DOT)com

This girl rocks...to bad I am old, and she is not...Oh yah...the BTP. A lot of what she writes touches me. First I think about a what a man would do....then I take away rational thought and accountability.

B-Day 41...

2005-05-05T20:15:00.000-07:00

Did you know that I lived in San Diego for seven years...before I learned Cinco de Mayo was no my birthday? Well it's true! Sometimes I'm completly lost, and don't even know it.

Work gave me a cake, the Family took me to lunch, Candy and Moria called to wish me happy birthday!

Like always I wonder where Gary is...his birthday was on the 6th. I'm two hours older then him.

Sailor in the Seas of Fate....

2005-04-27T00:20:00.000-07:00

Drifting along? Not hardly. I'm just trying to keep my head above the water with this Master's program. Last year while I was taking this course I'm in now (yes I failed it) my wife says get out, I was in the process of transitioning out of the Navy, and I flunked a course for the first time in my life.

Because it's a Master's program my grade point average falls below 3.0, so I get place on academic probation for six months. Great, then the news from my Doctor to seek out medication for Major Depression, and a therapist to go with it.

I take a leave from school, work on my self. Get a good job. Make up with my wife, and prepare to complete my degree right? Nope...wrong...I got "Disqualified” because of academic probation. I call my counselor find out the routine. Write a letter to the board about my hardship, and why it’s different now.

I get re-instated start school again. Make it to the class I failed. Start off like a cannon...and then I find out my Dad shot himself in the head. Life comes to a complete halt...for three days...just for me.

Now, I'm behind in the class I failed last year. I have not turned in one assignment on time. (Not from lack of trying), and I could fail again...maybe a master's degree is just not my thing...

Did I mention the ADD at age 40? Well maybe later.

Gym

2005-04-23T09:21:00.001-07:00

Too school for cool...wait...what?

2005-04-23T09:21:00.000-07:00

Mary Kay rocks...

2005-04-23T09:20:00.000-07:00

Jedi Jimmy

Dad's not home...

2005-04-23T07:43:00.000-07:00

Some thirty years after I talked my dad into giving me the gun he put a another to his head and did the deed. Now, my father is gone...but James F. Haag II (me), and James F. Haag III (my son) remain.

He has really been gone for a few weeks now, but thanks to the anti-depressents it's hard to get behind a good grief (Sorry Charily Brown). I'm still processing, and I guess I will for a very long time.

Gym